Eight years ago, I was having a bit of a tough time… I was adjusting to several new roles in life: wife, veterinarian, business partner. The stress was unbearable for my young, immature self and I was completely depressed. Gary tried, in his Gary way, to cheer me up. He offered help in the form of jokes, which helped very little. Because I had sunken to a very low point and I needed more than his humor to lift me out. In an act of desperation, he advised that I “find the beauty in a sunrise”. If you know Gary, this is highly unusual advice. My rough and tumble mountain man is more likely to get a pedicure in a fancy salon than suggest something as fluffy as to “find the beauty in a sunrise”. Instead of making me hopeful, these words made me angry… I couldn’t believe that he was trivializing my emotional torment in such a rude and heartless way. Those words almost broke us.
Fast forward eight years. I am happy to say that I have come a long way , embracing the roles of wife and veterinarian and my new role as mommy. I can’t imagine my life in any other form than the one that it is right now. Sadly though, I am usually too caught up in the day-to-day activities of changing diapers and chasing toddlers to notice how blessed my life is. Not to say that I don’t appreciate it, but I am usually too busy to realize it. I do, however, have the occasional moments of clarity where I am struck by the awesomeness that is my beautiful and wonderful life.
Yesterday I was driving home early in the morning. I had worked a 15 hour shift at an emergency clinic, and was hurrying home so that I could see my family before heading out to my next job. I had only 5 hours of very restless sleep before my drive; to say that I was exhausted is an understatement. My mind drifted to some very odd places during that delirious, 2 hour drive. I was about 30 minutes from home, driving across rice fields when I was suddenly aware of the song that was playing on my iPod. I heard Zack de la Rocha, asking me in his angst-ridden voice “you brain dead? You got a f*@king bullet in your head?”. It was a wake up call and it hit me like a hollow point right between the eyes. I am brain dead. I am so busy trying to get from point A to point B that I don’t stop to enjoy all that is good in my life. My beautiful children, my amazing husband, my family and friends, my job, my house, my motley crew of animals at home. I have taken them all for granted.
And in that moment, I noticed the black sky of night was beginning to glow as the sun was about to rise above the mountains on the horizon. Normally, I would be too focused on getting to my destination that I wouldn’t have given it a second glance. I mean, the sun comes up every morning… I looked at the clock and realized that I had made good time on my drive. I found a driveway along the road and pulled in. I turned off my car, stepped into the chilly early morning air and found the beauty in the sunrise.