I was feeling really down on Wednesday…worse than I had felt in a long time. I was feeling sad, frustrated, alone and just downright depressed. I talked to my sister, my sounding board, and one thing she told me to do was to go out and walk, that some movement would make me feel better. My husband said the same thing. He even offered to watch the girls so I could go out and move my body.
During this walk/run, which my sister has been so kind as to design for me (I am trying to get into some state of physical fitness post 2 babies), I had an epiphany, which led to another epiphany, and then another and so forth and so on. I tried to write about it, but there was too much to write and it was still all a jumble in my brain. And even though it was all a foggy mess inside my head, I felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders, my chest, my mind.
I won’t bore with the details of my epiphanies, as that would take days, require a table of contents and most likely a bibliography. Instead, I will give you a synopsis of my revelations, because I’m a nuts and bolts kind of girl.
1. Get outside and move. It doesn’t have to be epic or sweaty or unpleasant. Just get the blood flowing. I was amazed at how much happier I was after 32 minutes of walking and 6 minutes of running. I can’t wait to go again!
2. The grass is always greener on the other side. When I was working (before I had kids), I thought it would be great to stay at home and raise little munchkins. Now that I am home, raising little munchkins, I think it would be great to be at work. Why is that? I don’t know the answer, but my epiphany was “Nicole, you dumbass, you have a beautiful life…cherish it”. Huh.
3. Love the ones you’re with. And don’t forget to them that you love them. Because even though my husband and my two daughters know that I love them, and I know that they love me, it is still REALLY nice to hear the words “I love you”. This epiphany was reinforced on the WAY cool episode of Grey’s Anatomy last night (don’t get me started!). Take a moment to say “I love you”. It doesn’t have to be grand or wrought with teary emotion. Just sincere, genuine.
4. Remember your priorities. As for the important ones: live them, breathe them, give them meaning beyond that of a check-off box on your to-do list. Reading a book to my daughters is a top priority. Even though sometimes I would rather read my emails or paint my toenails, when Chloe comes to me with a book and says “mommy read Bear please”, nothing is more important to me than her and that book. Dishes are important (assuming you are into sanitation), but if it comes between breakfast plates and a game of kickety kick ball, the sink will stay full a little while longer.
5. Put down that camera and turn off the computer. I want so badly to master photography. And when I decide that I want to do/learn something, I want it done yesterday. The main reason I want to become a photographer is so that I can capture those little moments in life that mean so much to someone. The trouble is, I have been so immersed in this new passion of mine that I have forgotten to focus on actual life. So I am putting down the camera and turning off the computer. I don’t promise to stop entirely, because my memory ain’t great, and I want to remember things like Ella eating peas and saying “ba ba ba ba” with her little toothless mouth:
And Chloe playing in the backyard while wearing her life vest, even though there is not a pool in sight:
I am terrified that I will forget all of the little details that I love so much. But I am more terrified that I will actually miss all of those endearing little things that my girls do, because I was so immersed in learning something new.
Anyhow, that is gist of my epiphany-laden Wednesday. I don’t know if it makes a word of sense to anyone but me, but I sure hope that it does.
I love you.